I think I am addicted to online shopping. I am a complete sucker for deals that offer me two dollars off. Its quite a bad habit but I just cannot stop. Its almost the new year and I am getting serious. Serious about my life I suppose. Returning to my old job was done out of sheer necessity rather than willingness. Lately i've come to realize once again that I do not belong there. I belong on the streets capturing life and people. So many opportunities are wasted working at that damn establishment. I get so frustrated keeping all this to myself. But no more. I think 2008 is the year for me. Among other things I think I will be a much happier man. Cheers to 2008!
Monday, December 24, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Death
Its like you live your life walking around, doing things, forming relationships, then one day. Its all taken away. Death is a normal part of life. It happens to everyone at one point or another. Its been hard on this family. I don't have the words to explain it. So devastating. I don't know if they'll be able to recover from this one. So young. So sad.
"People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad." ~Marcel Proust
"People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad." ~Marcel Proust
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Soon
October, its done, Its November. New Year approaching. Another year almost gone.
That about sums it up for me. I don't know where this year went. Thats how I always feel though. In my brain all the things that I experienced this year are playing on fast forward.
Lots of new things, but I guess thats what life is about. Change and growth. I can say i've done both this year. Gladly I feel good and healthy. Nothing could be better. I'm feeling optimistic about 2008. I know it will bring its fair share of roller coaster emotions and drama. But I welcome it. I guess life would be pretty bland without it.
Work today, same as yesterday. School tomorrow. Its becoming a little tedious, but I still do it. Not for anyone but myself. I wan't to be able to say that I am a college graduate. If that means anything at all.
Soon, or soon enough things are going to change, for the best I hope but who knows how people react. Its about time.
I picked up smoking again. Nasty habit I know, but it de-stresses me. So does yoga but that is just one day a week. Mom found out on saturday. She didn't yell, it was odd. I think shes letting me make my mistakes. So I could learn from them obviously. Nevertheless I think i'll quit on my own. Soon.
I'm content yet I want more. Its better that i've been lately. I feel good.
I want to be a photographer, a writer, a movie maker, I want to make people feel good. I want to entertain people. It seems so simple but why is it so hard. Who knows? Maybe I don't have 'it'. Whatever 'it' is. I'm still lookin' for it.
I wonder what my future holds for me.
Listening to my music calms me right now. It relaxes my anxieties. Its absurd.
New people, new surroundings, new everything is what I need. Soon.
That about sums it up for me. I don't know where this year went. Thats how I always feel though. In my brain all the things that I experienced this year are playing on fast forward.
Lots of new things, but I guess thats what life is about. Change and growth. I can say i've done both this year. Gladly I feel good and healthy. Nothing could be better. I'm feeling optimistic about 2008. I know it will bring its fair share of roller coaster emotions and drama. But I welcome it. I guess life would be pretty bland without it.
Work today, same as yesterday. School tomorrow. Its becoming a little tedious, but I still do it. Not for anyone but myself. I wan't to be able to say that I am a college graduate. If that means anything at all.
Soon, or soon enough things are going to change, for the best I hope but who knows how people react. Its about time.
I picked up smoking again. Nasty habit I know, but it de-stresses me. So does yoga but that is just one day a week. Mom found out on saturday. She didn't yell, it was odd. I think shes letting me make my mistakes. So I could learn from them obviously. Nevertheless I think i'll quit on my own. Soon.
I'm content yet I want more. Its better that i've been lately. I feel good.
I want to be a photographer, a writer, a movie maker, I want to make people feel good. I want to entertain people. It seems so simple but why is it so hard. Who knows? Maybe I don't have 'it'. Whatever 'it' is. I'm still lookin' for it.
I wonder what my future holds for me.
Listening to my music calms me right now. It relaxes my anxieties. Its absurd.
New people, new surroundings, new everything is what I need. Soon.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Electro Pop
I must say, myspace is a great way to find new artists. Yelle is someone I found on myspace, just browsing. Her music is so catchy and just good.
Heres some of it.
and:
check her out!
Heres some of it.
and:
check her out!
Monday, October 1, 2007
It Is What It Is
I should be sleeping once again. But I can't, I have too many things on my mind. Lately i've become this one huge stressball. I never show it though. I try way too hard to keep it all inside. Its pathetic really, but I worry over the smallest things and overlook the big events in my life. Of course I worry over the major things, but it doesnt impact me as much, or so I believe. People stress me out the most. People, people, people. What can I say. Everyone is so different, so complex, so very very not one dimesional. I think I used to see people that way, but now that i've grown older and added more experiences to the list of things that happen in my usually mundane life I can finally being to make out some sort of picture of human behavior. We are so multi-faceted that it could take a life time to actually get to know one another. Thats the reason people get married, or so I hope. It should be simple. You find the one you're meant to be with, you go through the motions and date, meet the parents, go out some more, then someone asks someone to marry the other. And thats it! It should be done, right? No, its really not. People do not really know one another. So I guess that the reason for getting married is to get to know one single person a little more, just a little because we never really get to know eachother. Or at least thats what I believe. Nevertheless thats whats exciting about this whole process. You are always getting to know eachother, and never letting it get boring. Its seems so simple. Yet the divorce rate is so high in the US. Why? I beleive it is because people don't like what they find. Yeah, you fall in love with a person you think you know, but once all the romance and fun is over you realize who you really married and thats when it gets ugly. Its so sad.
I don't know where in this post I decided to talk about marriage and divorce, but I guess thats just where it went. On to less important things. I just returned to my old job. Hopefully its a temporary situation. But you never know. Its quite frustrating. But I guess we all have that survival instinct in us, and mine just said to me "i'm hungry". My wallet also was feeling pretty famished so I swallowed all my pride and went back to that old place at which I have spent many miserable and equally fun times. I guess its all a cycle. Life that is.
'Chained'
I don't know where in this post I decided to talk about marriage and divorce, but I guess thats just where it went. On to less important things. I just returned to my old job. Hopefully its a temporary situation. But you never know. Its quite frustrating. But I guess we all have that survival instinct in us, and mine just said to me "i'm hungry". My wallet also was feeling pretty famished so I swallowed all my pride and went back to that old place at which I have spent many miserable and equally fun times. I guess its all a cycle. Life that is.
'Chained'
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
How ya goin?
Thats my new greeting. Its how australians say hello. Its quite catchy and I think it should catch on in the States.
Its been tough these past 8 months. I've been through a rollercoaster of events and all through it I've managed to stay relatively sane.
Its become clear to me though that, family is the most important thing a person can have. Friends are important too, but friends can ditch you in a heartbeat, family is sort of stuck to you for life. I lost a friend a while ago, they moved away, and it was hard. But i've managed to get on with my life. Its hard keeping relationships with people because people are always on some type of path. Its hard just trying to slow down to catch a breath and enjoy life. Why does everyone have to be so uptight all the time, me included. I can't seem to unerstand it. What I do get, is that life is hard and dealing with it is a process that no everyone can deal with. I'm not claiming to be some all knowing human who has everything put together. That is the farthest thing from what I am. I just like to stay as relaxed as possilbe. On the other hand people who treat others badly because they are different disgust me. Apathy is a quality that I despise and just plain ignorance makes me think that m future will be bleak
I strive everyday to be a good person, its something that is instilled in my brain. I dont treat anyone badly for the way they are. I should just get off my high horse and let everyone be.
I should be a hippie.
Birds
Its been tough these past 8 months. I've been through a rollercoaster of events and all through it I've managed to stay relatively sane.
Its become clear to me though that, family is the most important thing a person can have. Friends are important too, but friends can ditch you in a heartbeat, family is sort of stuck to you for life. I lost a friend a while ago, they moved away, and it was hard. But i've managed to get on with my life. Its hard keeping relationships with people because people are always on some type of path. Its hard just trying to slow down to catch a breath and enjoy life. Why does everyone have to be so uptight all the time, me included. I can't seem to unerstand it. What I do get, is that life is hard and dealing with it is a process that no everyone can deal with. I'm not claiming to be some all knowing human who has everything put together. That is the farthest thing from what I am. I just like to stay as relaxed as possilbe. On the other hand people who treat others badly because they are different disgust me. Apathy is a quality that I despise and just plain ignorance makes me think that m future will be bleak
I strive everyday to be a good person, its something that is instilled in my brain. I dont treat anyone badly for the way they are. I should just get off my high horse and let everyone be.
I should be a hippie.
Birds
Friday, September 14, 2007
Namaste
Today so far has been a really peaceful day. I woke up early to get to yoga class and drove to school half asleep with no breakfast in me. Usually I don't do that, but there is a specific reason for that. I suppose that when you eat a heavy breakfast, or any food for that matter before yoga, it could get pretty hazardous for the others the the class room when your stomach starts digesting all of the food you just ate. No one wants to sit next to a windy person if you know what I mean.
So yoga, Ive never done anything like that in my life. I can tell you though, I'm hooked. It is such a calming experience, difficult but really soothing for mind and body. Its a two hour class and we spent the full two hours practising. Some of the positions were a bit wacky but I didn't feel stupid because every one else was doing it with me. After class I felt really energized and bendy, or stretched out.
Its been three weeks of school already and i'm really handling it well I guess. Nothing too hard so far. I know it wont stay that way forever so I'm enjoying it as much as I can, and trying to meet new people at the same time. Thats the harder part I would say. People are always on the go, never really taking a minute to settle down. I'm not that way anymore, or ever was really. I don't know what I am truthfully but i'll figure it out.
Besides school, work, or lack there of, has become a problem. I really need to get more work as a photographer or else i'm going to have to get another job. On the same note, I was just offered my job back at Red Robin. Its tempting because I really need the money but I don't feel the same way about that place anymore. Its like i've moved on from that place. I don't know what i'll do. I have a week to decide.
I've actually been meeting a lot of new people lately. Its been interesting to say the least. School brings out the best in me,I think, and I guess that shows when I meet new people.
I recently found out something about myself that I did, and now realizing it, I think i'm gonna stop. I didnt do it on purpose. Its just an eye thing. Ugh!
And I joined a couple of clubs at school which should be interesting. I think i'll be able to network more with people who I have a lot in common with.
Lifes moving on and I'm caught up in it. Which is a really good thing.
So yoga, Ive never done anything like that in my life. I can tell you though, I'm hooked. It is such a calming experience, difficult but really soothing for mind and body. Its a two hour class and we spent the full two hours practising. Some of the positions were a bit wacky but I didn't feel stupid because every one else was doing it with me. After class I felt really energized and bendy, or stretched out.
Its been three weeks of school already and i'm really handling it well I guess. Nothing too hard so far. I know it wont stay that way forever so I'm enjoying it as much as I can, and trying to meet new people at the same time. Thats the harder part I would say. People are always on the go, never really taking a minute to settle down. I'm not that way anymore, or ever was really. I don't know what I am truthfully but i'll figure it out.
Besides school, work, or lack there of, has become a problem. I really need to get more work as a photographer or else i'm going to have to get another job. On the same note, I was just offered my job back at Red Robin. Its tempting because I really need the money but I don't feel the same way about that place anymore. Its like i've moved on from that place. I don't know what i'll do. I have a week to decide.
I've actually been meeting a lot of new people lately. Its been interesting to say the least. School brings out the best in me,I think, and I guess that shows when I meet new people.
I recently found out something about myself that I did, and now realizing it, I think i'm gonna stop. I didnt do it on purpose. Its just an eye thing. Ugh!
And I joined a couple of clubs at school which should be interesting. I think i'll be able to network more with people who I have a lot in common with.
Lifes moving on and I'm caught up in it. Which is a really good thing.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Guns and Tacos
The first week of college is over. The best word to describe it would be hectic. All this week i've been attending all my new classes, meeting new people and catching up with old friends. Its been quite overwhelming at times. I applied for 5 classes this semester. Its going to be tough, I know, but this semester my main goal is to not drop a single class. All my efforts these next 5 months will be focused on school. All my teachers seem to be unsually cool this semester. No one is too mean or grumpy. Well one is, my photography teacher thinks he knows just about everything there is to know about photography. He might know everything I don't really know and I'm not going to be the one to point it out if he makes a mistake. He'll probably kill me from a rooftop with a sniper gun. (he used to be in the army). To boot in my human sexuality class the professor had me draw a vagina on the board. Lets just say that my vagina didnt exactly look like the flower it usually is. Anyway school has been exhausting and I can't wait for more.
My birthday was a few days ago. I am officially 20 years old. I can't drink yet, no need to anyway, but I can smoke. So I guess i'll have to compromise. I spent most of the day in school walking up and down mount everest (mt.sac). The damn hills at our school are monstrous. My leg muscles are going to be so buff by the end of the year, trust me. Besides that I went to dinner later that night with the family only to rush back home to do some more homework. It was a "fun day".
Now that i'm busy with school I finally have no free time except on the weekends. This schedule suits me prefectly right now. I need to busy myself with other things. This summer was basically a waste of time,with the exception of my surgeries, I didnt get to do that much. Now that i'm working on my photography and actually enjoying school I can finally focus on bettering my life. Its going to be a postive experience. Soon things will change again and I'll have to adjust to that and I'll welcome it. But i'm rambling so i will end it here. Except first I have to comment on some new music i've been listening to.
Awesome lyrics. Really biting. Catchy tunes mixed with funk and hip hop. Fave TRACK: LDN
Indy sound mixed with scottish pop. Its really good. Fave Track: If she wants me
Really funky sound with classic rock jumbled with it. Really good sound. Fave track: If I never see your face again.
New sound, lots of base. Fave track: 1973, so far.
Well thats my new favorite music. Check it out if you please.
Here is my picture for this post.
"August Sky"
My birthday was a few days ago. I am officially 20 years old. I can't drink yet, no need to anyway, but I can smoke. So I guess i'll have to compromise. I spent most of the day in school walking up and down mount everest (mt.sac). The damn hills at our school are monstrous. My leg muscles are going to be so buff by the end of the year, trust me. Besides that I went to dinner later that night with the family only to rush back home to do some more homework. It was a "fun day".
Now that i'm busy with school I finally have no free time except on the weekends. This schedule suits me prefectly right now. I need to busy myself with other things. This summer was basically a waste of time,with the exception of my surgeries, I didnt get to do that much. Now that i'm working on my photography and actually enjoying school I can finally focus on bettering my life. Its going to be a postive experience. Soon things will change again and I'll have to adjust to that and I'll welcome it. But i'm rambling so i will end it here. Except first I have to comment on some new music i've been listening to.
Awesome lyrics. Really biting. Catchy tunes mixed with funk and hip hop. Fave TRACK: LDN Indy sound mixed with scottish pop. Its really good. Fave Track: If she wants me Really funky sound with classic rock jumbled with it. Really good sound. Fave track: If I never see your face again. New sound, lots of base. Fave track: 1973, so far.Well thats my new favorite music. Check it out if you please.
Here is my picture for this post.
"August Sky"
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Big 2-0
I think i'm going to rent 'hot fuzz' tonight. I already saw it but it was such a funny film that it would be a shame not to see it again. I remeber seeing it when it came out but with who I forget, I'm pretty sure it was with Ms. Rivers or Josie Pad but I forget. I'm taking yoga this semester. I really wanted to take tennis but all the beginning classes were already filled up so I picked yoga. I don't think it will make me lose weight or anything but maybe it will calm my anxieties. Some of the positions are a little awkward, I hope I don't embarass myself. While trying to delay the inevitable I will also be learning about STD's and other fun sex related tidbits in my Human Sexuality class. Besides that I applied for an art class, a math class, and a color photogaphy class. All hard but should be fun.
I think thats it for now. Oh! I just remembered my 20th birthday is coming up. Wow, the big 2-0. I can't believe how old i'll be. Oh how the time flys in these summer days. Remeniscing about the good ol'days. Which days I can't quite remember. Just kidding. But I digress. Ha.Ha.
Wishlist
1. Harry Potter 2-4
2. Any other book that is good.
3. Vans slip-ons 10 1/2
4. Big sunglasses
5. A jeep chereokee
6. Soft box for photoshoots
7. Wide angles lens
8. A digital watch, one of those old looking nerdy ones
9. Guitar Picks
10. Gas Money
11. Sandals
12. New Battery for Macbook
13. The new iMac
14. Boxer-briefs
15. A nail clipper
And thats about it. Its just a wishlist. One could dream couldnt one?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
No More Than A Genius Deserves
The quintessential dream that I strive for in my life is purely simple. I want peace. Just peace and thats it. Its the very least that I deserve after all i've been through. Its sounds pathetic and whiny but I've been through a lot in my short 20 years and all I want is peace. Its a tough time for me though, what with school, doctors, friends, life and romance (or lack there of). It racks up quite a bit of stress on my part.
Now that I'm through complaining. School is about to beging rather soon and my nerves are on the edge. Its all this worrying thats got me down. But I just somehow manage to stick through it and perservere. I guess my writing helps me release some steam but, I dont really know.
Im confused, really confused.
The times are tough, not just for me. I see it in strangers faces. This administration is really bringing society down. I wish I lived in another country sometimes, It may not be as comfortable but life is probably considerably more mellow. I need that.
Europe sounds good right about now, or a quiet town in South America. I'm just rambling, nevertheless its an attractive idea. I envy those who can just pick up and leave at the drop of a hat. Start a new life somewhere completely new and enjoy the challenge of making new friends. But I grow weary of my own restlessness. I can't stand to put up with my self sometimes. How do people deal with me. Ughh, it is sickening.
Well i'm off to bed because tomorrow I have a appointment with my surgeon in bloody Los Angeles. I'm going to have to wake up at the crack of the crack of dawn and sit through hell on wheels for an hour and a half. Meanwhile I wont have time to get my morning coffee unless I wake up earlier and drive to the coffee place. By the time I get there my ass will be numb to the point of paralysis and I will have to limp up the stairs. Then comes the waiting, oh the waiting! That will be another 30 minutes of pure monotony. When they finally screech my name I'll get up and wait some more and when my old as dirt decrepit doctor drags herself in to check me out, she'll say with out even laying one of her cottage cheese looking fingers on me,
-"ok, ya look fine, get outta here"-
And that is what will take up most of my day.
So my bed awaits me. Night night.
Now that I'm through complaining. School is about to beging rather soon and my nerves are on the edge. Its all this worrying thats got me down. But I just somehow manage to stick through it and perservere. I guess my writing helps me release some steam but, I dont really know.
Im confused, really confused.
The times are tough, not just for me. I see it in strangers faces. This administration is really bringing society down. I wish I lived in another country sometimes, It may not be as comfortable but life is probably considerably more mellow. I need that.
Europe sounds good right about now, or a quiet town in South America. I'm just rambling, nevertheless its an attractive idea. I envy those who can just pick up and leave at the drop of a hat. Start a new life somewhere completely new and enjoy the challenge of making new friends. But I grow weary of my own restlessness. I can't stand to put up with my self sometimes. How do people deal with me. Ughh, it is sickening.
Well i'm off to bed because tomorrow I have a appointment with my surgeon in bloody Los Angeles. I'm going to have to wake up at the crack of the crack of dawn and sit through hell on wheels for an hour and a half. Meanwhile I wont have time to get my morning coffee unless I wake up earlier and drive to the coffee place. By the time I get there my ass will be numb to the point of paralysis and I will have to limp up the stairs. Then comes the waiting, oh the waiting! That will be another 30 minutes of pure monotony. When they finally screech my name I'll get up and wait some more and when my old as dirt decrepit doctor drags herself in to check me out, she'll say with out even laying one of her cottage cheese looking fingers on me,
-"ok, ya look fine, get outta here"-
And that is what will take up most of my day.
So my bed awaits me. Night night.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Broken Toy
in a silent room where not a thing stirs
i plunge in to my dreams
i can sense everthing that exists
the lure is too much to resist
i must know what lies afar
the truth about life and the infinite
the feel of your breath on my cheeks
the sound of your voice in my ear
the touch of your skin against my skin
the warmth of your heart beating next to mine
the look of your eyes penetrating my soul
its all too much to bear
all these sensations make me go hazy
its painful to think of what i cant have
i delve with in myself and ask
why do i deny myself these simple pleasures?
i can not answer my question
its all to much to bear
the search for my equal falters
i blissfully relinquish my beliefs
what use are they to one who refrains
from his own ethics
the light pours in from all directions
i distinguish the thought of euphoria
all clear to me now
it was there all along
i know now what to do
i find what i was looking for
it was with me the whole time"
so i dont have a clue what this means but its something i guess. its an attempt at poetry. i know it could be better but well, its day one. night.
i plunge in to my dreams
i can sense everthing that exists
the lure is too much to resist
i must know what lies afar
the truth about life and the infinite
the feel of your breath on my cheeks
the sound of your voice in my ear
the touch of your skin against my skin
the warmth of your heart beating next to mine
the look of your eyes penetrating my soul
its all too much to bear
all these sensations make me go hazy
its painful to think of what i cant have
i delve with in myself and ask
why do i deny myself these simple pleasures?
i can not answer my question
its all to much to bear
the search for my equal falters
i blissfully relinquish my beliefs
what use are they to one who refrains
from his own ethics
the light pours in from all directions
i distinguish the thought of euphoria
all clear to me now
it was there all along
i know now what to do
i find what i was looking for
it was with me the whole time"
so i dont have a clue what this means but its something i guess. its an attempt at poetry. i know it could be better but well, its day one. night.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Bam Ba Lam
I'm hooked on that song "black betty" by Ram Jam. It is such a catchy song. The beat is simple but the solos are outstanding. I was reading that it is supposedly an extremely offensive song, but I am really trying not to pay attetion to that aspect of the song cause it so damn good.
Today was relatively uneventful, as usual. Woke up late, ate some breakfast and mingled with the family. Not much to post about except that today was the first day where I didn't actually feel bored. I guess i'm happy doing the simple things. We rented movies ate at a restaurant and came home. Nothing out of the ordinary. I'm fine with that. Not to say that i'm okay with mediocrity but I know soon I will be in another place with my life. No, not heaven or that other place, but loaction wise I think I will be travelling more. Seeing more of the world I hope. Thats my plan anyway. I need to break from the confines of chino. And I will.
I'm working on wedding pictures right now for a wedding I was hired for. Its not hard work, but I like doing it. Its a gamble really, because you never know if the printer is going to get the exact same colors that you want. I guess i'll just have to take that chance.
Stay tuned for the next installment of my interwebular chronical.
So this is a new thing I just did. Nothing too spectacular just a portrait of myself in techno colours (yes i wrote it like that).
"television rules the nation"
Today was relatively uneventful, as usual. Woke up late, ate some breakfast and mingled with the family. Not much to post about except that today was the first day where I didn't actually feel bored. I guess i'm happy doing the simple things. We rented movies ate at a restaurant and came home. Nothing out of the ordinary. I'm fine with that. Not to say that i'm okay with mediocrity but I know soon I will be in another place with my life. No, not heaven or that other place, but loaction wise I think I will be travelling more. Seeing more of the world I hope. Thats my plan anyway. I need to break from the confines of chino. And I will.
I'm working on wedding pictures right now for a wedding I was hired for. Its not hard work, but I like doing it. Its a gamble really, because you never know if the printer is going to get the exact same colors that you want. I guess i'll just have to take that chance.
Stay tuned for the next installment of my interwebular chronical.
So this is a new thing I just did. Nothing too spectacular just a portrait of myself in techno colours (yes i wrote it like that).
"television rules the nation"
Saturday, August 4, 2007
High Society
Its become clear to me how I live my life. I really do love it. Of course if I could change some things I would, but nevertheless I love doing the things I do. I love to read a book, I love to listen to my tunes. I like to write occasionally and I just love to hang out with my friends and play monopoly whilst shouting obscenities at eachother. Its the simple things that please me. They really do.
Sometimes I dream for a life that is out of reach. I dream of living in mansions and driving ostentatious cars. Mingling with the rich and mighty. But then I fall flat onto reality and realize that that is not my life, and I am glad for it. I would like one day, to be succesfull at what I do, make a good living and be happy. But I what I don't want is to change the way I think. I love the way I think right now. I love the things that come to me. I'm in a period in my life where I am experiencing new things, trying to break out of my shell. I feel happy with my mind.
I know with time that I will learn many things, feel much more pain, and more joy(i hope). And these experiences will probably change the way I believe but I would like to keep most of my original beliefs in essence. Things happen to you, people will happen to you and all these things will affect me. But I guess i'm just afraid of whats to come. Im excited but nervous for the future.
I hope to keep many of my friendships, meet many more people and love many more people. But I just don't know. I cant fathom the day when I will meet someone who will be able to stand me. But I know that day is somewhere.
I ponder and I ponder and I ponder. But I never know.
"The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.”
from proverbs
Sometimes I dream for a life that is out of reach. I dream of living in mansions and driving ostentatious cars. Mingling with the rich and mighty. But then I fall flat onto reality and realize that that is not my life, and I am glad for it. I would like one day, to be succesfull at what I do, make a good living and be happy. But I what I don't want is to change the way I think. I love the way I think right now. I love the things that come to me. I'm in a period in my life where I am experiencing new things, trying to break out of my shell. I feel happy with my mind.
I know with time that I will learn many things, feel much more pain, and more joy(i hope). And these experiences will probably change the way I believe but I would like to keep most of my original beliefs in essence. Things happen to you, people will happen to you and all these things will affect me. But I guess i'm just afraid of whats to come. Im excited but nervous for the future.
I hope to keep many of my friendships, meet many more people and love many more people. But I just don't know. I cant fathom the day when I will meet someone who will be able to stand me. But I know that day is somewhere.
I ponder and I ponder and I ponder. But I never know.
"The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.”
from proverbs
Monday, July 30, 2007
Day Three...
It came to my attention that I never posted my reaction about finishing Harry Potter. But before that I'm going to write about my recovery.
So its day three and I'm suffering in silence. Its tough because I cant really talk and breath so in other words, its hell. I refuse to go outside and give people a glimpse of me. Just two more days and...freedom!
So now on to more pressing matters. Harry Potter. It was such a sad experience reading the final installment of my favorite series. I tried not to rush through the book, trying to savour all the words and not miss a single plot point. Even though I tried not to rush I still finished it in about 2 days and a half. It was so fast. I had so many questions that were left unanswered so many things that I had to reread. But I guess we'll never get that and I settled on the fact that I read a great series and thats it.
So now what to do, after Hary Potter? Well there are two more movies in the works to look forward to, a possible encyclopida according to J.K Rowling, and a theme park. I wish they werent making a theme park about the books. I can appreciate all of the younger fans wanting to go see a Harry LIVE! show, but for me, it just seems corny and tacky. But I guess in the end its all about money. If I ever go to florida i'll probably end up buying a ticket but I still think its a bad idea.
What the Harry Potter series did for me was instill a love for reading that I never had before. I used to never like to read, anything really, but when I was 13 i found these books and actually read them out of order (3,2,1) but fell in love with them immediately. I could not stop reading and re-reading them. It was such a great experience learning to love to read. Its cheesy but, i'm glad I love to read. I just wish my sister had the same passion but I guess not everyone likes to read.
In the end I think these books are such a catalyst for others to begin reading other works and that, I think is the best part about them. Like JK Rowling said, "all was well".
So its day three and I'm suffering in silence. Its tough because I cant really talk and breath so in other words, its hell. I refuse to go outside and give people a glimpse of me. Just two more days and...freedom!
So now on to more pressing matters. Harry Potter. It was such a sad experience reading the final installment of my favorite series. I tried not to rush through the book, trying to savour all the words and not miss a single plot point. Even though I tried not to rush I still finished it in about 2 days and a half. It was so fast. I had so many questions that were left unanswered so many things that I had to reread. But I guess we'll never get that and I settled on the fact that I read a great series and thats it.
So now what to do, after Hary Potter? Well there are two more movies in the works to look forward to, a possible encyclopida according to J.K Rowling, and a theme park. I wish they werent making a theme park about the books. I can appreciate all of the younger fans wanting to go see a Harry LIVE! show, but for me, it just seems corny and tacky. But I guess in the end its all about money. If I ever go to florida i'll probably end up buying a ticket but I still think its a bad idea.
What the Harry Potter series did for me was instill a love for reading that I never had before. I used to never like to read, anything really, but when I was 13 i found these books and actually read them out of order (3,2,1) but fell in love with them immediately. I could not stop reading and re-reading them. It was such a great experience learning to love to read. Its cheesy but, i'm glad I love to read. I just wish my sister had the same passion but I guess not everyone likes to read.
In the end I think these books are such a catalyst for others to begin reading other works and that, I think is the best part about them. Like JK Rowling said, "all was well".
Sunday, July 29, 2007
The Last Time
These past two days have been overwhelming to say the least. I've been up, down and all over the place. Poked, prodded, sliced and opened up. Its all for the greater good though. On friday I had my last surgery performed on me. The procedures were a pharngoplastsy, which is basically a surgery to help me speak better and let less air escape through my nose when I speak. I also had a nasal reconstruction which left me with a huge cast on my face. I'm determined to stay in for the next three days untill I can get it off. Its very opressing. This mask covers my nose and a bit of my forehead for support. Its very frustrating trying to sleep when you can't breathe through your nose. I just try not to choke at night from my own saliva. It all sounds very gross and it really does suck. But i'm dealing with it because I know it is the last time i'm going to have to deal with doctors cutting me open every two years. At least voluntarily anyways. I would post a picture but i'm temporairily traumatized. So when I get over my shame I think i'll post a picture of when I was recovering and my face was twice its size.
So on wednesday I'll have to go and get my nose cast off and that will be one of the best days of my life, I hope so anyway. I'll finally be able to breathe and speak normally. You don't know how may people take that for granted but its the little things that make life great, like being able to just breathe right. I've had to learn the hard way. I've had to fix my problems surgically but now that the end is nearing i'm so excitied because I can finally put off all of my old fears and anxieties and begin to live again.
So just one more month and everything should be back to normal. All should be well.
things are looking up
So on wednesday I'll have to go and get my nose cast off and that will be one of the best days of my life, I hope so anyway. I'll finally be able to breathe and speak normally. You don't know how may people take that for granted but its the little things that make life great, like being able to just breathe right. I've had to learn the hard way. I've had to fix my problems surgically but now that the end is nearing i'm so excitied because I can finally put off all of my old fears and anxieties and begin to live again.
So just one more month and everything should be back to normal. All should be well.
things are looking up
Sunday, July 22, 2007
My Time Is Almost Up
I'm taking a break from reading the final installment of my favourite series of all time. Harry Potter. Its quite devastating actually. I began reading those books when I was 13, I'm almost 20 now. It does not seem like much but it is to me. I really enjoy reading and rereading these books. Nevertheless i'm taking a break because I am so scared of finishing it too quickly. I want to savour all the words and make sure I don't miss a thing. I should probably be asleep right now, but, as usual I cant.
Tomorrow, or today actually, is going to be a very busy day for me. I'm going to have to wash my clothes, get my hair cut, try to read a couple of chapters of the book, and go to a wedding, all in a day. Its a lot for me. It does not seem like much, but for me, its very overwhelming. Its actually tough talking about this, but I suffer from anxiety. I get really uncomfortable in public. It just me, I dont think I show it, but I can really feel it. My symptoms include, stomachache, headache, nervousness, and just plain fear. I don't know why but it happens to me. I feel so stupid sometimes but I try to deal with it in a healthy way. I just breath and try to let it pass. Well see what the wedding does to me. I fear the worst.
Besides my crippling fear of being in large public places, I'm actually doing great. Im feeling better about myself and who I am, and and going to feel alot better, I hope, in a few weeks.
My surgery was moved up three days from the original date. I was staggered at first, because i've been waiting for this surgery for a long long time, but now that i've managed to get my life in some order, this happens. The reason i'm sort of angry is because I had a job scheduled were I was going to be making good money. Now I have to forefit the job and make nothing. It dissapointing because it would have been my first wedding that I would be photographing. I guess there will be others.
Now i've said my piece, I think i'll go read another chapter of Deathly Hallows....
this weeks picture, the santa monica pier. it was a lucky shot to say the least. im really proud of it. i call it "pier fun", click on it to see it larger, the effect is much grander.
Tomorrow, or today actually, is going to be a very busy day for me. I'm going to have to wash my clothes, get my hair cut, try to read a couple of chapters of the book, and go to a wedding, all in a day. Its a lot for me. It does not seem like much, but for me, its very overwhelming. Its actually tough talking about this, but I suffer from anxiety. I get really uncomfortable in public. It just me, I dont think I show it, but I can really feel it. My symptoms include, stomachache, headache, nervousness, and just plain fear. I don't know why but it happens to me. I feel so stupid sometimes but I try to deal with it in a healthy way. I just breath and try to let it pass. Well see what the wedding does to me. I fear the worst.
Besides my crippling fear of being in large public places, I'm actually doing great. Im feeling better about myself and who I am, and and going to feel alot better, I hope, in a few weeks.
My surgery was moved up three days from the original date. I was staggered at first, because i've been waiting for this surgery for a long long time, but now that i've managed to get my life in some order, this happens. The reason i'm sort of angry is because I had a job scheduled were I was going to be making good money. Now I have to forefit the job and make nothing. It dissapointing because it would have been my first wedding that I would be photographing. I guess there will be others.
Now i've said my piece, I think i'll go read another chapter of Deathly Hallows....
this weeks picture, the santa monica pier. it was a lucky shot to say the least. im really proud of it. i call it "pier fun", click on it to see it larger, the effect is much grander.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Love
I'm listening to REO Speedwagon for some reason. Its not my favorite band, but they have a few hits that I like. It seems so white trash of me, not to offend anyone, considering i'm not even white. Nevertheless this song i'm listening to is darn good. It reminds me of love. I myself have never been in love, I thought I was at one point in my life, but that fizzled out quickly. So now i'm almost twenty and still looking for that special someone. It sucks to wait and wait for it. But eventually love finds you. I know i'm being all sappy and unlike myself but this song just got me thinking about love.
I've been thinking recently about my life and how I live it. Sometimes i'm pleased and other times I am just so angry at myself for living such a dull existance. I mean, I do what I want, go to the places I want to go, but most of the time it seems like I could be doing something better. I constantly think about places I would like to live, Seattle is on the top of my list. Second is Alaska. I dont know why, but Alaska seems like a really cool place to live. I would love to experience the Iditarod races and see the mountains and the glaciers in Alaska. I enjoy the cold better than the heat. It makes everything much more comfy.
Before I decide to pack up and head for Seattle I would actually like to visit first. I sometimes think why its so hard for people to make themselves happy. And I realize that for most people the main problem is a fear of losing their friends and loved ones if they decide to leave. Of course, if one decides to leave, one cant stay in touch with everyone. Your bound to loose touch with quite a few people so I guess in the end its a risk. I'm willing to take that risk to realize my dreams. California just isnt for me. The weather is to dry, and honestly I'm tired living on the outskirts of humanity. This city that I live in doesnt offer me anything, anything that I want anyway. When I get my life together, financially that is, I woul love to have the opportunity to leave and head to Washington.
To live a much more cultural and greener life. I dont know if I make any sense but I hope I made myself and my dream clear. Its all about love in the end.
I've been thinking recently about my life and how I live it. Sometimes i'm pleased and other times I am just so angry at myself for living such a dull existance. I mean, I do what I want, go to the places I want to go, but most of the time it seems like I could be doing something better. I constantly think about places I would like to live, Seattle is on the top of my list. Second is Alaska. I dont know why, but Alaska seems like a really cool place to live. I would love to experience the Iditarod races and see the mountains and the glaciers in Alaska. I enjoy the cold better than the heat. It makes everything much more comfy.
Before I decide to pack up and head for Seattle I would actually like to visit first. I sometimes think why its so hard for people to make themselves happy. And I realize that for most people the main problem is a fear of losing their friends and loved ones if they decide to leave. Of course, if one decides to leave, one cant stay in touch with everyone. Your bound to loose touch with quite a few people so I guess in the end its a risk. I'm willing to take that risk to realize my dreams. California just isnt for me. The weather is to dry, and honestly I'm tired living on the outskirts of humanity. This city that I live in doesnt offer me anything, anything that I want anyway. When I get my life together, financially that is, I woul love to have the opportunity to leave and head to Washington.
To live a much more cultural and greener life. I dont know if I make any sense but I hope I made myself and my dream clear. Its all about love in the end.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Its Really Hard
this week is really hard to write. its only been like three days since i posted but my last post was a song. so here goes a real post.
i been endulging in aquatic activities this past week. its been really fun actually. this summer is turning out to be blistering hot so the pool is an exquisite way to cool off.
i'm currently reading a good book, or so people say so. but so far its a good yet hard read for me. the name of the book is "the picture of dorian gray". i suppose this book was quite scandalous for its time but compared to todays standards this book is practically the bible.
anyways, i just took one of the biggest steps in my life, well more like half a step. IM ON MY WAY! mwuaaaahhahaha!
im so cryptic.
this is just about it for now. im good, healthy, and brilliant!
And now a picture of me swinging from a tree.
i been endulging in aquatic activities this past week. its been really fun actually. this summer is turning out to be blistering hot so the pool is an exquisite way to cool off.
i'm currently reading a good book, or so people say so. but so far its a good yet hard read for me. the name of the book is "the picture of dorian gray". i suppose this book was quite scandalous for its time but compared to todays standards this book is practically the bible.
anyways, i just took one of the biggest steps in my life, well more like half a step. IM ON MY WAY! mwuaaaahhahaha!
im so cryptic.
this is just about it for now. im good, healthy, and brilliant!
And now a picture of me swinging from a tree.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
A Song
for some reason this song just gets to me. i dont know what it is about it. maybe i can identify with the poor boy, i dont know. its wierd and great at the same time.
'the boxer'
by simon and garfunkel
I am just a poor boy and my storys seldom told
Ive squandered my resistance for a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises
All lies and jest, still the man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest, hmmmm
When I left my home and my family, I was no more than a boy
In the company of strangers
In the quiet of the railway station, runnin scared
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters, where the ragged people go
Looking for the places only they would know
Li la li...
Asking only workmans wages, I come lookin for a job, but I get no offers
Just a comeon from the whores on 7th avenue
I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there
Now the years are rolling by me, they are rockin even me
I am older than I once was, and younger than Ill be, thats not unusual
No it isnt strange, after changes upon changes, we are more or less the same
After changes we are more or less the same
Li la li...
And Im laying out my winter clothes, wishing I was gone, goin home
Where the new york city winters arent bleedin me, leadin me to go home
In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down or cut him
til he cried out in his anger and his shame
I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains
Yes he still remains
'the boxer'
by simon and garfunkel
I am just a poor boy and my storys seldom told
Ive squandered my resistance for a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises
All lies and jest, still the man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest, hmmmm
When I left my home and my family, I was no more than a boy
In the company of strangers
In the quiet of the railway station, runnin scared
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters, where the ragged people go
Looking for the places only they would know
Li la li...
Asking only workmans wages, I come lookin for a job, but I get no offers
Just a comeon from the whores on 7th avenue
I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there
Now the years are rolling by me, they are rockin even me
I am older than I once was, and younger than Ill be, thats not unusual
No it isnt strange, after changes upon changes, we are more or less the same
After changes we are more or less the same
Li la li...
And Im laying out my winter clothes, wishing I was gone, goin home
Where the new york city winters arent bleedin me, leadin me to go home
In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down or cut him
til he cried out in his anger and his shame
I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains
Yes he still remains
Monday, July 9, 2007
Indulge Yourselves
Welcome to another installment of my interwebular chronical. Thats just fancy talk for blog. I have so much to talk about this time around its not even funny. Lets see..... Ok. You know when you realize who your true friends are. Well I had that happen to me. It the best feeling in the world. I guess i'm not such a bad person to be around. I'm a chip off the old block some would say. What some may not know about me is well, I can be pretty darn funny. I can be serious quite often and I can be totally stupid. I do like to dance, country mostly, just kidding. But I do like to dance, its just that I am no good.
I was going to write more but I think Il hold off for now, I'm about to go play tennis and the there are only two hours of sun left. So until next time. I swear ill write more. I just got sidetracked. I guess I could save it and write more later but I doubt that will happen. Later.
My usual picture this time will be more of a downer but I had to post it because its such a good one. Ive been getting lots of positive feedback. So here it is. Click on it to see it larger, the effect is much better when its larger.
'The hand of D'
"she lay there almost gone, no one noticed her fading away, the colours were fading too, it was the most peaceful shes ever been"
I was going to write more but I think Il hold off for now, I'm about to go play tennis and the there are only two hours of sun left. So until next time. I swear ill write more. I just got sidetracked. I guess I could save it and write more later but I doubt that will happen. Later.
My usual picture this time will be more of a downer but I had to post it because its such a good one. Ive been getting lots of positive feedback. So here it is. Click on it to see it larger, the effect is much better when its larger.
'The hand of D'
"she lay there almost gone, no one noticed her fading away, the colours were fading too, it was the most peaceful shes ever been"
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Homless
this photograph made me think. there are so many homless out on the streets. this poor man so helpless. ready to give up. praying to god to lift him from the depths of despairity. it seems like such an invasion of privacy but I guess people like to see these kinds of images. nontheless its an emotional picture.
Where To Begin
This week has been some what traumatic. I've had to make decisions and have decisions made for me. Its quite frustrating. I believe it will all be for the best someday. Right now i'm just trying to see through the fog that is my life. Its so dense and dark. One day I hope to wake up and see a bright a sunny day.
Its really hard to live life sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, most days anyway. But this life that i've been given has dealt me some tough blows. I deal with them appropriately I suppose. I don't abuse anything, I do the right thing most of the time. I try to be a good person. But sometimes things have to happen to you, to make you learn a lesson.
Im getting closer to certain people and I like it. Finally i'm getting to forge closer bonds to people that I care about. Some might say that I care too much, but I think thats a good thing. If you don't live your life to the fullest and love to the fullest and let your self be loved then whats the point?
Sooner or later i'll choose to be happier. Right now I think I have some stuff to deal with and eventually i'll come out the other end a much happier person. Not saying that i'm not happy now, but I could be happier. This month is a month of change. I dont know how many times i've said that (a lot). But this time i'm not lying to myself.
Surgery this month. Oh, I have so many things to say about that subject. But its exhausting. I write a whole blog about it later.
Night.
i feel like jumping
Its really hard to live life sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, most days anyway. But this life that i've been given has dealt me some tough blows. I deal with them appropriately I suppose. I don't abuse anything, I do the right thing most of the time. I try to be a good person. But sometimes things have to happen to you, to make you learn a lesson.
Im getting closer to certain people and I like it. Finally i'm getting to forge closer bonds to people that I care about. Some might say that I care too much, but I think thats a good thing. If you don't live your life to the fullest and love to the fullest and let your self be loved then whats the point?
Sooner or later i'll choose to be happier. Right now I think I have some stuff to deal with and eventually i'll come out the other end a much happier person. Not saying that i'm not happy now, but I could be happier. This month is a month of change. I dont know how many times i've said that (a lot). But this time i'm not lying to myself.
Surgery this month. Oh, I have so many things to say about that subject. But its exhausting. I write a whole blog about it later.
Night.
i feel like jumping
Thursday, July 5, 2007
July the Fourth
Waking up at 330 am is not an option anymore. I can not do that to myself one more time. Getting up isn't the hard part. Its the rest of the day that is hard on me. So I wake up at 330 am, first thing that comes to mind: COFFEE! I need my fix, and I need it fast. I won't feel better until I get it and I only need a couple sips to tide me over and cure my grumpiness. I have a problem, I know it. I will not deal with it. Its my only addiction and I'm keeping it! The thing is, is that one day the news is preaching that coffee is a lifesaver, the next day it is the cause of cancer. I don't pay attention anymore. My coffee is my drug. I would inject it if I could.
We drove to the beach. Oh! There is another thing I will never do. I didn't drive but the person who did, oh jesus!, never again. I felt like it was my last car ride on this earth and I was actually contemplating blurting out to everyone that I loved them and hoped that we met in the afterlife. It was that bad. After we parked the car of death, we walked to the beach and picked up shells for half an hour and dipped our feet in the warm water. It was pure joy. Even though I griped about getting up so early, I'm glad I did because you haven't seen a sunrise until you've seen the sunrise on the beach. Its really something.
After the beach we went to go make fun of the waitresses at the IHOP and eat too. We returned some food becuase there was a hair in it. We even left a good tip just to show her whos boss. That'll teach her. But seriously the food was subpar. Next time we'll go to Denny's. Yay.
Later that night my friend invited me to go see some firecracker shows run by ten year olds. I couldn't ask for anything better. I could just see the news broadcast. "Ten year old gets fingers blown off", "Amazing photographer catches it all on film". It's the dream. Well, no such chaos ensued and we sat thrugh a mediocre show put on by ten year olds. Yes the parents were there but well, I suppose they were busy. Its the mexican way.
All in all the day was eventful and interesting enough for me to write about it. Maybe next year i'll buy the correct firecrackers (I bought the wrong kind b.t.w) and put on a great show by myself. Its the dream.
Photographs to follow:
We drove to the beach. Oh! There is another thing I will never do. I didn't drive but the person who did, oh jesus!, never again. I felt like it was my last car ride on this earth and I was actually contemplating blurting out to everyone that I loved them and hoped that we met in the afterlife. It was that bad. After we parked the car of death, we walked to the beach and picked up shells for half an hour and dipped our feet in the warm water. It was pure joy. Even though I griped about getting up so early, I'm glad I did because you haven't seen a sunrise until you've seen the sunrise on the beach. Its really something.
After the beach we went to go make fun of the waitresses at the IHOP and eat too. We returned some food becuase there was a hair in it. We even left a good tip just to show her whos boss. That'll teach her. But seriously the food was subpar. Next time we'll go to Denny's. Yay.
Later that night my friend invited me to go see some firecracker shows run by ten year olds. I couldn't ask for anything better. I could just see the news broadcast. "Ten year old gets fingers blown off", "Amazing photographer catches it all on film". It's the dream. Well, no such chaos ensued and we sat thrugh a mediocre show put on by ten year olds. Yes the parents were there but well, I suppose they were busy. Its the mexican way.
All in all the day was eventful and interesting enough for me to write about it. Maybe next year i'll buy the correct firecrackers (I bought the wrong kind b.t.w) and put on a great show by myself. Its the dream.
Photographs to follow:
Monday, July 2, 2007
Swing of Things
Its monday morning. Still awake as per usual. Nothing strange by my standards.
I've been looking at other photographers work lately, trying to get ideas. By no means would I ever steal anything. But I believe that by studying others works can help you develop you own style. I'm still experimenting right now. I really like black and white photgraphy, and I know there is a market out there for me. But black and white can get kind of dull. I just dont know how to create great black and white photography. In time I suppose. For example Ansel Adams, his photography astounds me. I just dont't know what it is about it. Its breathtaking. All it takes is a good eye. Here is one of my favorites. Its grainy on purpose. And I really like the faces.
Besides that I just did a photoshoot with a model for her portfolio and mine. It was my first photoshoot, and I was extremely nervous but I did my best. Shes a friend of mine and I think we got some really good shots. Here is a couple of my favorites.
Lately i've been going to the beach alot. I even got in the other day at 6am. It was freezing at first but it eventually warmed up later. My friend and I just went for it. It was fun splashing in the water but the car ride home was less than pleasant. I was all wet in the wrong places, cold, and clammy. But fortunately we had some good tunes to sing to. And finally here is a photo of the beach.
I've been looking at other photographers work lately, trying to get ideas. By no means would I ever steal anything. But I believe that by studying others works can help you develop you own style. I'm still experimenting right now. I really like black and white photgraphy, and I know there is a market out there for me. But black and white can get kind of dull. I just dont know how to create great black and white photography. In time I suppose. For example Ansel Adams, his photography astounds me. I just dont't know what it is about it. Its breathtaking. All it takes is a good eye. Here is one of my favorites. Its grainy on purpose. And I really like the faces.
Besides that I just did a photoshoot with a model for her portfolio and mine. It was my first photoshoot, and I was extremely nervous but I did my best. Shes a friend of mine and I think we got some really good shots. Here is a couple of my favorites.
Lately i've been going to the beach alot. I even got in the other day at 6am. It was freezing at first but it eventually warmed up later. My friend and I just went for it. It was fun splashing in the water but the car ride home was less than pleasant. I was all wet in the wrong places, cold, and clammy. But fortunately we had some good tunes to sing to. And finally here is a photo of the beach.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Oh, hey there, again.
I've been wondering, I do that a lot nowadays. I mean I wonder and ponder and think and try to predict my future. I have no clue where i'll be in ten years. Much less one year. Its all up in the air. I could possibly be working at a studio, I could be a bum on the street, or just maybe I could be right where I am right now. Nowhere. I see my self, my life at a stanstill. Its not such a bad thing. Not much is happening to me, or I am not doing much to myself. What I mean is, i'm not making things happen for me. I feel in a way, trapped. Its been two years since I graduated high school. My life doesn't seem to have changed much since that last day of school. I lost some weight, I've gained some weight, I've had surgery, and all the while I still feel like i'm stuck in the doldrums. Yes some might say, I am doing something. My photography is the only escape I have right now. I think what I need is to is submerse myself into a different culture. I need different settings. I can't live in a place where there is so much nothing to do. I guess that I am just releasing some steam. But I don't like having all this steam pent up in the first place. I want to live carefree, and just not be so anxious. I guess in time. But thats besides the point.
I can not wait to return to school. I am itching to be challenged. I even thought of going back to my old job, but that just isn't an option anymore. All that place is, is a trap. A trap that you could escape at any moment but you cant because you are always living from paycheck to paycheck. Its depressing. But alas I perservere in some way, shape or form.
Tomorrow is friday and I have nothing special planned. I guess I could sleep on it and decide in the morning. Hanging out with friends isnt the same anymore. What could I do that is fun, yet not too stupid that only takes one person. Hmm. Ill have to think on it.
my clutter. just like me.
I can not wait to return to school. I am itching to be challenged. I even thought of going back to my old job, but that just isn't an option anymore. All that place is, is a trap. A trap that you could escape at any moment but you cant because you are always living from paycheck to paycheck. Its depressing. But alas I perservere in some way, shape or form.
Tomorrow is friday and I have nothing special planned. I guess I could sleep on it and decide in the morning. Hanging out with friends isnt the same anymore. What could I do that is fun, yet not too stupid that only takes one person. Hmm. Ill have to think on it.
my clutter. just like me.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Night One
This is my first blog. I effectively can not stay off of the internet. Its a problem that i'm not quite ready to deal with yet. Maybe when an asteriod hits the planet or some other catastrophic event. I like to write and I like to have people read what I say, so this, I believe is the best platform. No drama, no layouts, no dealing with who to add or not. Its just words and probably the occasional photograph. Considering I am an aspiring photographer. Or I shoud just call my self a Photographer as of this moment. Yes its done. Nonetheless I hope to write and have people read this. Hopefully my career will lead me into many events and I will post them here. More exciting news and things to come. Stay tuned.
ps. i will try to post a new pic everytime i post. so here is the first of many.
Oh this was a fun day, the running was staged. All for the photo op. I should sell these pictures better. Ok here goes. We were running from la migra when suddenly we were transported to a beautiful beach where we ran directly into the water and were never heard of again since.
ps. i will try to post a new pic everytime i post. so here is the first of many.
Oh this was a fun day, the running was staged. All for the photo op. I should sell these pictures better. Ok here goes. We were running from la migra when suddenly we were transported to a beautiful beach where we ran directly into the water and were never heard of again since.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
freedom
