Day Three...

It came to my attention that I never posted my reaction about finishing Harry Potter. But before that I'm going to write about my recovery.

So its day three and I'm suffering in silence. Its tough because I cant really talk and breath so in other words, its hell. I refuse to go outside and give people a glimpse of me. Just two more days and...freedom!

So now on to more pressing matters. Harry Potter. It was such a sad experience reading the final installment of my favorite series. I tried not to rush through the book, trying to savour all the words and not miss a single plot point. Even though I tried not to rush I still finished it in about 2 days and a half. It was so fast. I had so many questions that were left unanswered so many things that I had to reread. But I guess we'll never get that and I settled on the fact that I read a great series and thats it.
So now what to do, after Hary Potter? Well there are two more movies in the works to look forward to, a possible encyclopida according to J.K Rowling, and a theme park. I wish they werent making a theme park about the books. I can appreciate all of the younger fans wanting to go see a Harry LIVE! show, but for me, it just seems corny and tacky. But I guess in the end its all about money. If I ever go to florida i'll probably end up buying a ticket but I still think its a bad idea.
What the Harry Potter series did for me was instill a love for reading that I never had before. I used to never like to read, anything really, but when I was 13 i found these books and actually read them out of order (3,2,1) but fell in love with them immediately. I could not stop reading and re-reading them. It was such a great experience learning to love to read. Its cheesy but, i'm glad I love to read. I just wish my sister had the same passion but I guess not everyone likes to read.

In the end I think these books are such a catalyst for others to begin reading other works and that, I think is the best part about them. Like JK Rowling said, "all was well".

The Last Time

These past two days have been overwhelming to say the least. I've been up, down and all over the place. Poked, prodded, sliced and opened up. Its all for the greater good though. On friday I had my last surgery performed on me. The procedures were a pharngoplastsy, which is basically a surgery to help me speak better and let less air escape through my nose when I speak. I also had a nasal reconstruction which left me with a huge cast on my face. I'm determined to stay in for the next three days untill I can get it off. Its very opressing. This mask covers my nose and a bit of my forehead for support. Its very frustrating trying to sleep when you can't breathe through your nose. I just try not to choke at night from my own saliva. It all sounds very gross and it really does suck. But i'm dealing with it because I know it is the last time i'm going to have to deal with doctors cutting me open every two years. At least voluntarily anyways. I would post a picture but i'm temporairily traumatized. So when I get over my shame I think i'll post a picture of when I was recovering and my face was twice its size.
So on wednesday I'll have to go and get my nose cast off and that will be one of the best days of my life, I hope so anyway. I'll finally be able to breathe and speak normally. You don't know how may people take that for granted but its the little things that make life great, like being able to just breathe right. I've had to learn the hard way. I've had to fix my problems surgically but now that the end is nearing i'm so excitied because I can finally put off all of my old fears and anxieties and begin to live again.
So just one more month and everything should be back to normal. All should be well.


things are looking up

My Time Is Almost Up

I'm taking a break from reading the final installment of my favourite series of all time. Harry Potter. Its quite devastating actually. I began reading those books when I was 13, I'm almost 20 now. It does not seem like much but it is to me. I really enjoy reading and rereading these books. Nevertheless i'm taking a break because I am so scared of finishing it too quickly. I want to savour all the words and make sure I don't miss a thing. I should probably be asleep right now, but, as usual I cant.
Tomorrow, or today actually, is going to be a very busy day for me. I'm going to have to wash my clothes, get my hair cut, try to read a couple of chapters of the book, and go to a wedding, all in a day. Its a lot for me. It does not seem like much, but for me, its very overwhelming. Its actually tough talking about this, but I suffer from anxiety. I get really uncomfortable in public. It just me, I dont think I show it, but I can really feel it. My symptoms include, stomachache, headache, nervousness, and just plain fear. I don't know why but it happens to me. I feel so stupid sometimes but I try to deal with it in a healthy way. I just breath and try to let it pass. Well see what the wedding does to me. I fear the worst.
Besides my crippling fear of being in large public places, I'm actually doing great. Im feeling better about myself and who I am, and and going to feel alot better, I hope, in a few weeks.
My surgery was moved up three days from the original date. I was staggered at first, because i've been waiting for this surgery for a long long time, but now that i've managed to get my life in some order, this happens. The reason i'm sort of angry is because I had a job scheduled were I was going to be making good money. Now I have to forefit the job and make nothing. It dissapointing because it would have been my first wedding that I would be photographing. I guess there will be others.
Now i've said my piece, I think i'll go read another chapter of Deathly Hallows....

this weeks picture, the santa monica pier. it was a lucky shot to say the least. im really proud of it. i call it "pier fun", click on it to see it larger, the effect is much grander.

Love

I'm listening to REO Speedwagon for some reason. Its not my favorite band, but they have a few hits that I like. It seems so white trash of me, not to offend anyone, considering i'm not even white. Nevertheless this song i'm listening to is darn good. It reminds me of love. I myself have never been in love, I thought I was at one point in my life, but that fizzled out quickly. So now i'm almost twenty and still looking for that special someone. It sucks to wait and wait for it. But eventually love finds you. I know i'm being all sappy and unlike myself but this song just got me thinking about love.
I've been thinking recently about my life and how I live it. Sometimes i'm pleased and other times I am just so angry at myself for living such a dull existance. I mean, I do what I want, go to the places I want to go, but most of the time it seems like I could be doing something better. I constantly think about places I would like to live, Seattle is on the top of my list. Second is Alaska. I dont know why, but Alaska seems like a really cool place to live. I would love to experience the Iditarod races and see the mountains and the glaciers in Alaska. I enjoy the cold better than the heat. It makes everything much more comfy.
Before I decide to pack up and head for Seattle I would actually like to visit first. I sometimes think why its so hard for people to make themselves happy. And I realize that for most people the main problem is a fear of losing their friends and loved ones if they decide to leave. Of course, if one decides to leave, one cant stay in touch with everyone. Your bound to loose touch with quite a few people so I guess in the end its a risk. I'm willing to take that risk to realize my dreams. California just isnt for me. The weather is to dry, and honestly I'm tired living on the outskirts of humanity. This city that I live in doesnt offer me anything, anything that I want anyway. When I get my life together, financially that is, I woul love to have the opportunity to leave and head to Washington.
To live a much more cultural and greener life. I dont know if I make any sense but I hope I made myself and my dream clear. Its all about love in the end.

Its Really Hard

this week is really hard to write. its only been like three days since i posted but my last post was a song. so here goes a real post.
i been endulging in aquatic activities this past week. its been really fun actually. this summer is turning out to be blistering hot so the pool is an exquisite way to cool off.
i'm currently reading a good book, or so people say so. but so far its a good yet hard read for me. the name of the book is "the picture of dorian gray". i suppose this book was quite scandalous for its time but compared to todays standards this book is practically the bible.
anyways, i just took one of the biggest steps in my life, well more like half a step. IM ON MY WAY! mwuaaaahhahaha!
im so cryptic.
this is just about it for now. im good, healthy, and brilliant!


And now a picture of me swinging from a tree.

A Song

for some reason this song just gets to me. i dont know what it is about it. maybe i can identify with the poor boy, i dont know. its wierd and great at the same time.


'the boxer'
by simon and garfunkel


I am just a poor boy and my storys seldom told
Ive squandered my resistance for a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises
All lies and jest, still the man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest, hmmmm

When I left my home and my family, I was no more than a boy
In the company of strangers
In the quiet of the railway station, runnin scared
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters, where the ragged people go
Looking for the places only they would know

Li la li...

Asking only workmans wages, I come lookin for a job, but I get no offers
Just a comeon from the whores on 7th avenue
I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there

Now the years are rolling by me, they are rockin even me
I am older than I once was, and younger than Ill be, thats not unusual
No it isnt strange, after changes upon changes, we are more or less the same
After changes we are more or less the same

Li la li...

And Im laying out my winter clothes, wishing I was gone, goin home
Where the new york city winters arent bleedin me, leadin me to go home

In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down or cut him
til he cried out in his anger and his shame
I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains
Yes he still remains

Indulge Yourselves

Welcome to another installment of my interwebular chronical. Thats just fancy talk for blog. I have so much to talk about this time around its not even funny. Lets see..... Ok. You know when you realize who your true friends are. Well I had that happen to me. It the best feeling in the world. I guess i'm not such a bad person to be around. I'm a chip off the old block some would say. What some may not know about me is well, I can be pretty darn funny. I can be serious quite often and I can be totally stupid. I do like to dance, country mostly, just kidding. But I do like to dance, its just that I am no good.
I was going to write more but I think Il hold off for now, I'm about to go play tennis and the there are only two hours of sun left. So until next time. I swear ill write more. I just got sidetracked. I guess I could save it and write more later but I doubt that will happen. Later.

My usual picture this time will be more of a downer but I had to post it because its such a good one. Ive been getting lots of positive feedback. So here it is. Click on it to see it larger, the effect is much better when its larger.

'The hand of D'
"she lay there almost gone, no one noticed her fading away, the colours were fading too, it was the most peaceful shes ever been"

Homless

homeless,
originally uploaded by ·٠●•Delfinboy•●٠·.

this photograph made me think. there are so many homless out on the streets. this poor man so helpless. ready to give up. praying to god to lift him from the depths of despairity. it seems like such an invasion of privacy but I guess people like to see these kinds of images. nontheless its an emotional picture.

Where To Begin

This week has been some what traumatic. I've had to make decisions and have decisions made for me. Its quite frustrating. I believe it will all be for the best someday. Right now i'm just trying to see through the fog that is my life. Its so dense and dark. One day I hope to wake up and see a bright a sunny day.
Its really hard to live life sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, most days anyway. But this life that i've been given has dealt me some tough blows. I deal with them appropriately I suppose. I don't abuse anything, I do the right thing most of the time. I try to be a good person. But sometimes things have to happen to you, to make you learn a lesson.
Im getting closer to certain people and I like it. Finally i'm getting to forge closer bonds to people that I care about. Some might say that I care too much, but I think thats a good thing. If you don't live your life to the fullest and love to the fullest and let your self be loved then whats the point?
Sooner or later i'll choose to be happier. Right now I think I have some stuff to deal with and eventually i'll come out the other end a much happier person. Not saying that i'm not happy now, but I could be happier. This month is a month of change. I dont know how many times i've said that (a lot). But this time i'm not lying to myself.
Surgery this month. Oh, I have so many things to say about that subject. But its exhausting. I write a whole blog about it later.
Night.


i feel like jumping

July the Fourth

Waking up at 330 am is not an option anymore. I can not do that to myself one more time. Getting up isn't the hard part. Its the rest of the day that is hard on me. So I wake up at 330 am, first thing that comes to mind: COFFEE! I need my fix, and I need it fast. I won't feel better until I get it and I only need a couple sips to tide me over and cure my grumpiness. I have a problem, I know it. I will not deal with it. Its my only addiction and I'm keeping it! The thing is, is that one day the news is preaching that coffee is a lifesaver, the next day it is the cause of cancer. I don't pay attention anymore. My coffee is my drug. I would inject it if I could.
We drove to the beach. Oh! There is another thing I will never do. I didn't drive but the person who did, oh jesus!, never again. I felt like it was my last car ride on this earth and I was actually contemplating blurting out to everyone that I loved them and hoped that we met in the afterlife. It was that bad. After we parked the car of death, we walked to the beach and picked up shells for half an hour and dipped our feet in the warm water. It was pure joy. Even though I griped about getting up so early, I'm glad I did because you haven't seen a sunrise until you've seen the sunrise on the beach. Its really something.
After the beach we went to go make fun of the waitresses at the IHOP and eat too. We returned some food becuase there was a hair in it. We even left a good tip just to show her whos boss. That'll teach her. But seriously the food was subpar. Next time we'll go to Denny's. Yay.
Later that night my friend invited me to go see some firecracker shows run by ten year olds. I couldn't ask for anything better. I could just see the news broadcast. "Ten year old gets fingers blown off", "Amazing photographer catches it all on film". It's the dream. Well, no such chaos ensued and we sat thrugh a mediocre show put on by ten year olds. Yes the parents were there but well, I suppose they were busy. Its the mexican way.
All in all the day was eventful and interesting enough for me to write about it. Maybe next year i'll buy the correct firecrackers (I bought the wrong kind b.t.w) and put on a great show by myself. Its the dream.

Photographs to follow:

Swing of Things

Its monday morning. Still awake as per usual. Nothing strange by my standards.
I've been looking at other photographers work lately, trying to get ideas. By no means would I ever steal anything. But I believe that by studying others works can help you develop you own style. I'm still experimenting right now. I really like black and white photgraphy, and I know there is a market out there for me. But black and white can get kind of dull. I just dont know how to create great black and white photography. In time I suppose. For example Ansel Adams, his photography astounds me. I just dont't know what it is about it. Its breathtaking. All it takes is a good eye. Here is one of my favorites. Its grainy on purpose. And I really like the faces.


Besides that I just did a photoshoot with a model for her portfolio and mine. It was my first photoshoot, and I was extremely nervous but I did my best. Shes a friend of mine and I think we got some really good shots. Here is a couple of my favorites.


Lately i've been going to the beach alot. I even got in the other day at 6am. It was freezing at first but it eventually warmed up later. My friend and I just went for it. It was fun splashing in the water but the car ride home was less than pleasant. I was all wet in the wrong places, cold, and clammy. But fortunately we had some good tunes to sing to. And finally here is a photo of the beach.