Death

Its like you live your life walking around, doing things, forming relationships, then one day. Its all taken away. Death is a normal part of life. It happens to everyone at one point or another. Its been hard on this family. I don't have the words to explain it. So devastating. I don't know if they'll be able to recover from this one. So young. So sad.

"People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad." ~Marcel Proust

Soon

October, its done, Its November. New Year approaching. Another year almost gone.
That about sums it up for me. I don't know where this year went. Thats how I always feel though. In my brain all the things that I experienced this year are playing on fast forward.
Lots of new things, but I guess thats what life is about. Change and growth. I can say i've done both this year. Gladly I feel good and healthy. Nothing could be better. I'm feeling optimistic about 2008. I know it will bring its fair share of roller coaster emotions and drama. But I welcome it. I guess life would be pretty bland without it.
Work today, same as yesterday. School tomorrow. Its becoming a little tedious, but I still do it. Not for anyone but myself. I wan't to be able to say that I am a college graduate. If that means anything at all.
Soon, or soon enough things are going to change, for the best I hope but who knows how people react. Its about time.
I picked up smoking again. Nasty habit I know, but it de-stresses me. So does yoga but that is just one day a week. Mom found out on saturday. She didn't yell, it was odd. I think shes letting me make my mistakes. So I could learn from them obviously. Nevertheless I think i'll quit on my own. Soon.
I'm content yet I want more. Its better that i've been lately. I feel good.
I want to be a photographer, a writer, a movie maker, I want to make people feel good. I want to entertain people. It seems so simple but why is it so hard. Who knows? Maybe I don't have 'it'. Whatever 'it' is. I'm still lookin' for it.
I wonder what my future holds for me.
Listening to my music calms me right now. It relaxes my anxieties. Its absurd.
New people, new surroundings, new everything is what I need. Soon.

Electro Pop

I must say, myspace is a great way to find new artists. Yelle is someone I found on myspace, just browsing. Her music is so catchy and just good.

Heres some of it.

Yelle - A cause des Garçons "ACDG" TEPR remix Alternative
Uploaded by Wonderful-Life

and:

YELLE "Je Veux Te Voir" live 2006
Uploaded by YELLE-TV

check her out!

It Is What It Is

I should be sleeping once again. But I can't, I have too many things on my mind. Lately i've become this one huge stressball. I never show it though. I try way too hard to keep it all inside. Its pathetic really, but I worry over the smallest things and overlook the big events in my life. Of course I worry over the major things, but it doesnt impact me as much, or so I believe. People stress me out the most. People, people, people. What can I say. Everyone is so different, so complex, so very very not one dimesional. I think I used to see people that way, but now that i've grown older and added more experiences to the list of things that happen in my usually mundane life I can finally being to make out some sort of picture of human behavior. We are so multi-faceted that it could take a life time to actually get to know one another. Thats the reason people get married, or so I hope. It should be simple. You find the one you're meant to be with, you go through the motions and date, meet the parents, go out some more, then someone asks someone to marry the other. And thats it! It should be done, right? No, its really not. People do not really know one another. So I guess that the reason for getting married is to get to know one single person a little more, just a little because we never really get to know eachother. Or at least thats what I believe. Nevertheless thats whats exciting about this whole process. You are always getting to know eachother, and never letting it get boring. Its seems so simple. Yet the divorce rate is so high in the US. Why? I beleive it is because people don't like what they find. Yeah, you fall in love with a person you think you know, but once all the romance and fun is over you realize who you really married and thats when it gets ugly. Its so sad.
I don't know where in this post I decided to talk about marriage and divorce, but I guess thats just where it went. On to less important things. I just returned to my old job. Hopefully its a temporary situation. But you never know. Its quite frustrating. But I guess we all have that survival instinct in us, and mine just said to me "i'm hungry". My wallet also was feeling pretty famished so I swallowed all my pride and went back to that old place at which I have spent many miserable and equally fun times. I guess its all a cycle. Life that is.

'Chained'

How ya goin?

Thats my new greeting. Its how australians say hello. Its quite catchy and I think it should catch on in the States.
Its been tough these past 8 months. I've been through a rollercoaster of events and all through it I've managed to stay relatively sane.
Its become clear to me though that, family is the most important thing a person can have. Friends are important too, but friends can ditch you in a heartbeat, family is sort of stuck to you for life. I lost a friend a while ago, they moved away, and it was hard. But i've managed to get on with my life. Its hard keeping relationships with people because people are always on some type of path. Its hard just trying to slow down to catch a breath and enjoy life. Why does everyone have to be so uptight all the time, me included. I can't seem to unerstand it. What I do get, is that life is hard and dealing with it is a process that no everyone can deal with. I'm not claiming to be some all knowing human who has everything put together. That is the farthest thing from what I am. I just like to stay as relaxed as possilbe. On the other hand people who treat others badly because they are different disgust me. Apathy is a quality that I despise and just plain ignorance makes me think that m future will be bleak
I strive everyday to be a good person, its something that is instilled in my brain. I dont treat anyone badly for the way they are. I should just get off my high horse and let everyone be.
I should be a hippie.

Birds

Namaste

Today so far has been a really peaceful day. I woke up early to get to yoga class and drove to school half asleep with no breakfast in me. Usually I don't do that, but there is a specific reason for that. I suppose that when you eat a heavy breakfast, or any food for that matter before yoga, it could get pretty hazardous for the others the the class room when your stomach starts digesting all of the food you just ate. No one wants to sit next to a windy person if you know what I mean.
So yoga, Ive never done anything like that in my life. I can tell you though, I'm hooked. It is such a calming experience, difficult but really soothing for mind and body. Its a two hour class and we spent the full two hours practising. Some of the positions were a bit wacky but I didn't feel stupid because every one else was doing it with me. After class I felt really energized and bendy, or stretched out.
Its been three weeks of school already and i'm really handling it well I guess. Nothing too hard so far. I know it wont stay that way forever so I'm enjoying it as much as I can, and trying to meet new people at the same time. Thats the harder part I would say. People are always on the go, never really taking a minute to settle down. I'm not that way anymore, or ever was really. I don't know what I am truthfully but i'll figure it out.
Besides school, work, or lack there of, has become a problem. I really need to get more work as a photographer or else i'm going to have to get another job. On the same note, I was just offered my job back at Red Robin. Its tempting because I really need the money but I don't feel the same way about that place anymore. Its like i've moved on from that place. I don't know what i'll do. I have a week to decide.
I've actually been meeting a lot of new people lately. Its been interesting to say the least. School brings out the best in me,I think, and I guess that shows when I meet new people.
I recently found out something about myself that I did, and now realizing it, I think i'm gonna stop. I didnt do it on purpose. Its just an eye thing. Ugh!
And I joined a couple of clubs at school which should be interesting. I think i'll be able to network more with people who I have a lot in common with.
Lifes moving on and I'm caught up in it. Which is a really good thing.

Guns and Tacos

The first week of college is over. The best word to describe it would be hectic. All this week i've been attending all my new classes, meeting new people and catching up with old friends. Its been quite overwhelming at times. I applied for 5 classes this semester. Its going to be tough, I know, but this semester my main goal is to not drop a single class. All my efforts these next 5 months will be focused on school. All my teachers seem to be unsually cool this semester. No one is too mean or grumpy. Well one is, my photography teacher thinks he knows just about everything there is to know about photography. He might know everything I don't really know and I'm not going to be the one to point it out if he makes a mistake. He'll probably kill me from a rooftop with a sniper gun. (he used to be in the army). To boot in my human sexuality class the professor had me draw a vagina on the board. Lets just say that my vagina didnt exactly look like the flower it usually is. Anyway school has been exhausting and I can't wait for more.
My birthday was a few days ago. I am officially 20 years old. I can't drink yet, no need to anyway, but I can smoke. So I guess i'll have to compromise. I spent most of the day in school walking up and down mount everest (mt.sac). The damn hills at our school are monstrous. My leg muscles are going to be so buff by the end of the year, trust me. Besides that I went to dinner later that night with the family only to rush back home to do some more homework. It was a "fun day".
Now that i'm busy with school I finally have no free time except on the weekends. This schedule suits me prefectly right now. I need to busy myself with other things. This summer was basically a waste of time,with the exception of my surgeries, I didnt get to do that much. Now that i'm working on my photography and actually enjoying school I can finally focus on bettering my life. Its going to be a postive experience. Soon things will change again and I'll have to adjust to that and I'll welcome it. But i'm rambling so i will end it here. Except first I have to comment on some new music i've been listening to.
Awesome lyrics. Really biting. Catchy tunes mixed with funk and hip hop. Fave TRACK: LDN
Indy sound mixed with scottish pop. Its really good. Fave Track: If she wants me
Really funky sound with classic rock jumbled with it. Really good sound. Fave track: If I never see your face again.
New sound, lots of base. Fave track: 1973, so far.

Well thats my new favorite music. Check it out if you please.

Here is my picture for this post.
"August Sky"