Four Months to Live

In four months I will die. The results are in, and I am scheduled to go. Hopefully, it should be enough time to actually begin living my life. It is tragic that it had to come to this to jump-start my life, nevertheless, I plan to make the most of it by finally doing everything I could not do before. When my doctor informed me of my imminent demise, it shocked me to the core. It was an unexpected hitch in my plans for the future. All of a sudden, the most insignificant details became important. I would not get to hear the roaring rush of the ocean ever again, the pitter-patter of raindrops on my head, or the smell of my moms delicious cooking. All of those things suddenly became very important to me. I will miss them all, yet, I am glad that I had the chance to know such things. I will certainly not miss the sound of my alarm clock waking me up every morning. The incessant never ending beeps reminding me to get up. Also, I will not miss the living hell of morning traffic. I have never been much of a morning person, so being able to sleep in will bring me much happiness. Giving up certain obligations will allow the indulgence of life’s pleasures, which I denied myself when it all seemed so infinite. Enough of my existence has been wasted with time consuming responsibilities, prohibiting me from enjoying myself to the fullest. Instead of going out with friends, I would stay in to study. It was this type of behavior that defined who I was in my past life. Small things would annoy me, like drivers who cut me off in traffic, and other minor offenses. I could not see past my own insecurities, and let things go. As a result, I became a person who held grudges. This death sentence, by no means a good thing, has put my life in perspective. It will permit me to take advantage of all that life has to offer. Giving in no longer carries the same guilty associations that it once did. I can have my third In-n-Out Burger, and feel absolutely fine about it. Moderation, a term I used to adhere to, will no longer apply to me. In its place, responsible recklessness, my new motto for the rest of my days. Four months to realize everything that I have ever dreamed of may seem impossible, however, with courage and persistence I will not let anything stand in my way.

The time I spent with foolish activities will no longer prevent me from living a productive life. I used to be a very different person. For the longest time I constantly put things off for later. Instead of applying to UC San Francisco, I procrastinated and never turned in my application, fearing I might not get in anyway. The application stayed on my desk, taunting me, serving as my coaster until I threw it out. When my life seemed endless, sitting around reading the paper, while drinking a cup of coffee, and enjoying the breeze was a favorite pastime of mine. Thinking about my future in depth would scare me because it meant that I actually had to do something with my meager existence. At first I wanted to be a firefighter, then a lawyer, finally, during a moment of supposed clarity I declared I would become a scientist. My life was up for grabs and whatever career caught my attention would be the one where I fell. During my stint as a firefighter, I researched everything to do with fighting fires. It was heroic work, however, I did not take into account the fact that I was an overweight teenager with a disdain for any type of hard physical labor. I despised running, lifting and all sorts of sports related activities. Therefore, a career in saving lives was obviously out of the question. After my ‘firefighting phase’, that is what my mother called it, was extinguished, I turned to more practical careers. I would never suspect that photography would spark a passion in me that I had never experienced. Photography arose in me a fervent need to create art through a lens. And that is where I am today, with only four months of breath left in me. I want to produce as much art as I can. Photography has always been a productive way to express my emotions. I never felt as though I was wasting my time, or someone else’s for that matter. Whenever I had a deadline, I would make sure not to miss it, because it meant so much to me that people wanted to see my work. I plan to make the most of these four months that I have been given. No more procrastination, no more missing deadlines, and finishing as much work as I can before I go. A shift occurred in me that I am thankful for. No longer am I the idle shell of a human that I once was. I breathe to live, not the other way around.

Dealing with a four month window is tough. I never thought I would only live to be 21 years old. Nevertheless, this is my time and I accept it with as much grace as I can muster. On the other hand, I am angry. A side of me wished I had longer. I wish I had time to do everything I wanted in life. I wish I could have met the love of my life, get married and have children. Still, it has been a good ride, and now I plan to go out in style. Certain superficial obligations will have to be dropped, while others will be of higher importance. For one, work is first on my list of things to drop. I no longer need to sacrifice my precious time serving people burgers all day. Serving people is no easy task. It is hard work putting on a fake smile and cater to a guests every whim. It was a necessity in my old life, however, with my remaining time, my new responsibilities will consist of eating everything and anything that my heart desires. Family has always been important to me, and still is. But, during my life when I thought I needed a career, I often put them aside for work. I thought all my hard work would pay off one day. Sadly, my life has been cut short. Now, I will focus on spending time with all of my family and make sure that they understand that life goes on, even without me. What I perceived to be important in my past life proved to be unessential for a productive life. Yet, complaining and regretting lost time will do me no good. The way I see it, a new shorter life has bee granted to me. It is up to me to make the most of it.

Confidence has never been a strong trait of mine. My biggest obstacle has always been myself. Yet, now that I only have four months, my confidence level has shot through the roof. It is like I have no inhibitions, I will do anything I please, within reason of course. My last month on earth will be a free for all, non-stop fun filled ride till the end. I will make up for all the things I never did when I had the confidence to do them. All of a sudden fear of death is non-existent because I know the exact date of my demise. It is always lurking in the shadows of my mind, reminding me that I have an expiration date. Snowboarding has always terrified me, yet now that I have no fears, it is next on my list to do. I want to live my life to the fullest, and fill every moment with an experience. In the end, that is all that life is made up of, experiences and the little moments shared with others. These simple diversions will keep me occupied and content for the next four months.

Living with a deadline is not too terrible. Whether it is the confidence I gained, the manner in which I spent my time, or the responsibilities I have left, I am sufficiently pleased with the way I will be leaving this earth. Thankfully, my legacy will be that I was a generous and kind human being. I have lived with a passion for art and hopefully people will remember me for that. Everyday now, I wake up with such an eagerness to make the most of my day. I still enjoy my cup of coffee, the aroma of the beans permeating the room, reminding me that I am not yet gone. The crisp wind in the mornings still has the power to invigorate my soul. These seemingly small things me give me the most joy. One of the last things that I will do is give everyone a photograph that I took, in this manner they will remember and keep me alive in their minds. I learned that it is not what I did during my life that defines me, but how I did them, and how I treated others. Now, a calm washes over me when I think back on my life. I know I did the best I could.

An essay on voting

An essay on voting that I wrote for my class.

The tired feet, the long wait, the indistinct sounds of people discussing the latest news. They wait in line to cast their ballot. Voting is the one thing people do that makes a difference. The waiting, the exhaustion, and the lines are all worth it because they know what it means. All those things are part of something great - voting. Yet, there are many people in this world that cannot vote. They either do not have the legal status to do so, or their government denies them the most basic rights. Their voices muffled by the sound of all the injustices of our world. So, not taking advantages of these basic rights seems silly right? Agreed. However, millions of Americans do just that, they waste their vote away. According to Lindsye Forson, a writer for The Battalion, the problem could be ignorance. Forson quotes Ilya Somin, a George Mason University law professor, “‘Most individual voters are abysmally ignorant of even basic political information’”. Corroborating the previous statement, it then proves that not only are millions of Americans wasting their vote, but, ignorance is a factor as to why they do not. It is vital that the young generations get out to vote, especially now when education is taking a big economic hit. Beckie Supiano, writing for The Chronicle of Higher Education, elaborates on young voter behavior in the article, “The Student Vote: Turnout by the Young Continued to Surpass Previous Levels on Super Tuesday.” It is also imperative that older generations place more attention on the habits of young voters. Soon they will be the majority of the population who make the decisions for everyone. Though, a light at the end of the tunnel can be seen. Racism and sexism are becoming less of an issue. It seems the general public are becoming more accepting of everyone. Rosa Brooks talks about this issue in the article, “Young Voters’ New Thinking.” With all these endless problems at hand the solution feels as though it may never come. Still, America has always been a place of great thinkers and leaders. The undying spirit of this great nation has not yet been beat. The future, lies in the hands of our young constituents who need to be educated on polices, unless we want a government made up of inexperienced politicians.

Clearly, young people think differently than the older generation. That is obvious. They have different goals, priorities, necessities, not to mention – drama. When most of the older generation have a second mortgage to worry about, the young voters have school and more importantly, to them, romantic problems. Forson astutely points out that political apathy is the main problem of lower voter turnout (1). The problem can be seen across the political spectrum among young voters’ prone to avoid any type of topic that involves too much brain function. A solution to the dilemma, over voter turnout, can be curbed by targeting young people where they come together most; the Internet. During this past election, the candidates barraged the web with advertising campaigns that young people were sure to not miss. Especially on social networking sites, like Myspace and Facebook. The candidates attempted to create a following with the younger crowd. Still, older generations need to be worried. An uneducated vote can be more detrimental than not casting a vote at all. It is young people who are voting more nowadays, whether they are educated or not is unclear. If older voters care about the issues that directly affect them, such as Social Security and Health Care, they need to pay more attention about who is making the decisions. It is the young voters year olds that are paving the new roads to Washington. Voter apathy is more of a problem that it seems. Politicians who do not realize this do not deserve to serve the public. Casting a vote carries a multitude of social implications and responsibilities. An uneducated voter, compounded with politics can have unpredictable outcomes. Thankfully among younger voters, some issues are becoming less of a hindrance when deciding who or what to vote for.

Racism and sexism lie at the heart of politics; nevertheless, with young voters it no longer poses a problem. Brooks believes that the question over the voting habits of America do not make sense anymore (1). It is possible that voters do not care about race as a factor over what President to vote for. Which can be true, to an extent. Even though the United States just elected a black President in the United States, to conclude that race was not a factor in his election is absurd. All types of people, especially older generations, have race on the mind. It is an issue that pervades our culture daily. It effects out most miniscule decisions, like what store to buy groceries from, or what side of the street to walk on. It is an inherent feeling that we all have as human beings. Mostly, due to the fact that social and cultural stereotypes seep into our subconscious, ruling our behavior. It can also be applied to other races and cultures, as well. Sometimes, an antipathy can be felt among other cultures for the American society. It is a sad fact of our nations history. To say that racism and sexism have been eradicated is misleading. It is true, the problem no longer carries the same weight it once did due to the hard work of activists for peace. Yet, it still is an issue amongst young people. Slowly, we are making leaps into erasing these types of issues. With our election of an African-American President we can begin to transform in to a country that accepts all cultures and races unconditionally. Hopefully soon, the confusion over what to refer our leaders by will no longer be an issue. Our African-American President will just be, our President. Likewise, our female Secretary of State will be just that, a Secretary of State, regardless of what race or sex they are.

Frequently, voters have proven themselves to be quite capricious. Young voters especially, are swayed easily. Supiano writes, “‘We think we’re a melting pot, but this year it’s become obvious that we tend to vote for people like ourselves. – Young people are voting for the youngest person in the race,” Mr. Warren stated”’ (2). For example, advertisements can play a big role in the political process, and candidates know this. With in seconds of viewing an advertisement they have already decided if they like it or not. Therefore, if politicians want to attract the younger votes, they need to relate to them. Our behavior is determined by how we are brought up and exposed to from an early age. Sex appeal is a major factor as well. The Obama campaign connected to the younger electorates favorite products by using them out in public. The Blackberry was advertised widely because of President Obama’s use of it. This made him appear cooler, for lack of a more appropriate word, to the younger crowd. It made him more relatable, thus giving him more votes. Whether it was intentional or unintentional is not important, it is the fact that they knew that young voters were the key to the election. The tactics employed were significant because if they had ignored the young public, they would have alienated a big percentage of the population that holds the power. A population that soon will be making the decisions for the rest of America. Now, the task is to harness this power for the improvement of America. These are the complex issues that educated voters should consider when casting their ballot. The future, so far, looks bleak. If there is to be change, it needs to come from our young generation.

Whether it is by utilizing resources that will relate to the voters, or appealing to their necessities; politicians would benefit from paying more attention to our young generation. Perhaps then, it is not too surprising why many Americans, as a whole, lack any initiative to vote. Most are deprived or do no care about the issues affecting our society. Not until the issues directly affect voters is when you can hear the cry of the people. It has to become worse before it can get better. Soon, the cries are heard in the offices of public assistance, and swishing sound of shuffling feet at the Unemployment Department. At the turn of the century people all of a sudden became voiceless. During the Vietnam Wars millions came out to march and protest. Well, now the same has to be done. Our voice is our most fundamental tool that we have to make change. Forson quotes, “‘Thomas Jefferson once said, the price of freedom is eternal vigilance’” (Qtd. on 1). This rings true especially for all voters. If the right to vote is squandered away we will have no voice in politics. Voter habits are changing and they can be seen in the faces of enthusiastic first time voters. The pride they feel echoes the first time African-Americans, women, and other oppressed individuals were given the right to vote. Then, it can be concluded that voting is inextricably linked with our basic rights. No one should take it for granted.

Style Mess

Rarely do I ever notice fashion trends. Yet, this time around GQ hit the mark with Justin Timberlake. The combinations are very stylish and cohesive. The Jacket is 700 dollars. Thats chump change for a guy like me (yea right).
Justin thinks that Kate Moss is quite a style maven, why? I dunno. To each his own I say.
As a photographer, I never really think about dressing myself up because its not necessary. Recently though, its become more of an issue. I find myself screaming at my closet for not being more stylish. I know its not its fault, but it should really offer me some more choices. I try and combine some of my stuff, but it all falls flat in the end. Last year I went on a scarf spree, and now they just sit there, lifeless, unworn. I could have bought other things with that money I suppose. But no, I bought scarfs. Its not that I regret the purchase, its that I do not know how to use them. I am a fashion victim, someone help me. I guess, i've always been more interested in music, art, and other things besides myself. I dunno, a little narcissism wouldnt hurt, right?
Anyway, this time the fashion gods have given me some insight in to what is good, and I like it. I think being comfortable is the most important thing. And the rest will follow suit. In the meantime, here are some good examples of what guys could be wearing this spring/summer/fall. Its all nice.

Melt thy cold heart

This photograph of a firefighter giving a thirsty koala water practically made me bawl. No, not really, but it almost did.
It just goes to show that the human species is not bound for hell, yet.
Apparently the koala had been roaming the forest with burned paws (awww), due to the recent bushfires in Australia.
I just might buy a koala when i'm rich. They seem like such a sweet animal. Yes, that sounds about right. A pet koala.....hm.






Just kidding about the whole having a koala as a pet thing. The last thing I want to do is incur the wrath of Peta.

Ray Guns are not Just the Future

Another installment of my cd review.

This is a nifty one, let me tell you.



I downloaded their new cd today, and I must say that it will blow your ears away.
It could be classified into trip-indy-bassy-pop-vocal-futuristic-electronic-awesome!
Though I could name more, The Bird and the Bee are a fresh escape from the mundane and mind numbing sounds of top 40 radio. Inara George brings it to the microphone like no one else i've heard in a while. While she doesn't posses the vocal range of a diva, her smart and quick arrangements will make your eyes bleed with happiness. All the songs have something to offer, whether you are feeling a quick freak-out dance (Love Letter to Japan), or a moment of melancholy reminiscing (Ray Gun).
They bring back their hit 'Polite Dance Song' from the former album, so new listeners can enjoy the funny song.
All in all, the cd is packed with songs you will want to listen to again and again.
Buy it, don't download. This band really deserves your ten bucks.

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